When the Big Stuff Hits, Don’t Stop the Small Stuff

When things go wrong in big ways, it’s the little things you do every day that keep you on a resilient path — or what I like to call being healthy-ish.

Because when emotions hit an all-time high — what do you do? How do you respond?

Back in the day, I was notorious for thinking the worst. I called it the spiral of “what-ifs”:
We’re going to give up everything to move to B School. I’m never going to walk again after this new hip. We’re going to lose the house because he lost his job. What if my son doesn’t get into any college? What if Ellie gets a brain injury from a header in soccer? 

Those thoughts channeled my emotions and shaped my responses. Sometimes, they were downright debilitating.

And yet… we made it through all of it — the fears, the feelings, the mess — together, somehow.

Then came this past Friday.

And it mysteriously felt like 2½ years ago, when I thought my dad had a stroke. Only this time, I was in Boston — and Dad was in a hospital bed in Clarksville, Tennessee, thousands of miles away.

The emotions came to an all-time high.

Should I get on a plane right now?
What if I’m in the air when something bad happens and my sister or mom can’t reach me?
How do I land and handle that alone?

The thoughts were swirling. Tears were close. My chest was tight.

So, I did something different.  

I sat down.
I took some long, deep breaths.
I prayed.

And I made the decision to stay in Boston — to be present for the call, to have my partner beside me, to be held if the surgery didn’t go well.

It was the longest Friday in the history of Jenny Fridays.

And when the call finally came — that he was out of surgery, four stents placed, the “widow maker” opened and flowing again — I cried.

Like a baby.

Right there on a bench in Harvard Square, by myself, big, puddly, grateful tears.

There was a cry behind the cry.  I wasn’t just crying for my dad.

I was crying for all the things —
for the 21-year-old son of a friend gone too soon,
for the trip I was supposed to take with my father in just four days to Sweden (where this could have happened and ended so differently),
for the ache October always brings — loss, grief, the remembering of hearts broken and healing, again and again.

The unfolding of heart matters so deep and raw they can’t be suppressed or surpassed — not after all these years.

And in all of it, through all of it, I am thankful.

Thankful for the silly small habits that help me handle all this crazy just a little bit better. 

Because the little bits of good stuff you stoke every day, in some way, matter to these big moments.

It’s the little things you do — the ones you stack and build on each day — that give you freedom when life suddenly calls for the big stuff.

The freedom to say yes to a last-minute girls’ trip.
The freedom to jump on a flight to visit your daughter.
The freedom to book a ticket from Boston to Tennessee to hug your dad after emergency heart surgery.

This has been a week.
Wait — what am I saying? This has been a year.

A year full of beauty, gratitude, and perspective, woven tightly with hardship, challenge, and the deep fatigue of being far from loved ones.

Through it all, I’ve realized this:
I’m only as strong as my small, daily habits. 

Those little routines keep me grounded when everything else feels unsteady. And when life pulls you away — to a hotel, a parent’s house, or across the ocean — keeping those habits tucked into your back pocket is the golden key to a healthy, thriving-ish middle of life messy.

No gym at the hotel? → Do a 1-Minute Move.
Nothing in the fridge at your parents’ house for your Queen Bee Meal? → Take a few minutes to shop for protein and plants that will truly serve you.
Worried about digestion while traveling? → Pack your supplements; they’ll keep your gut happy and your energy steady.

Forgot your water bottle?  Buy a new one and drink up.

The blessing in it all…

You don’t need perfection — you just need your small stuff.

Because those little things?
They’re what make you resilient.
They’re what make you adaptable.
They’re what allow you to say yes when life surprises you. AND say no when you need to.

And when the big stuff hits — as it inevitably will — those small, steady things will be there to carry you through.

Get after your small stuff.  It is your greatest healthy-ish healthy in the messy moments of this beautiful, crazy life.

Hug your people tight.

xo-Jenny